Bad Day

I had a bad day. Okay, a bad half-of-a-day. But it was a BAD half-of-a-day. Both of the kids are half well / half sick. Sadie is strong willed, I tell you -- she gets cranky and more determined when I tell her "no." And she's only 8 months old! I can't believe it -- the 8-month-old was more testing than the 3-year-old. So between her being half sick and challenging, I spent my entire afternoon changing poopy diapers, scrubbing poopy clothes, telling Sadie she couldn't pull my hair only for her to try harder, distracting a strong-willed Sadie from pulling my hair, only to do it over and over and over again. Aaron also got home late from work (I knew he would be 1.5 hours late, but not 2.5 hours). At one point, Sadie was crying, Ashton was crying (because he was being disciplined for hurting Sadie), and I was crying. I so desperately wanted to get out of the house and be by myself. I don't know if I'm cut out for this Mommy business (a little late now, hunh?). Do I REALLY want more kids??

I had a whole other post I have been wanting to write, but haven't gotten around to. And I am still not going to discuss it in great detail right now, but it HAS TO BE related to my day today -- I am so out of touch with God and our relationship is mostly historical. Therefore, I am unintentionally depending on Aaron to make me happy and/or complete, instead of getting that from God. And this has to do with my day today because when I am not in communion with God I am able to see the devastating consequences. I am disappointed in myself for the way I acted today, for the way I lost my calm, and for the things I said. I am sorry and need to ask for forgiveness. And I am convinced again that I can not do "it" on my own -- I am in need of my Savior.